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Seconds to love, years to forget

Hey guys,
  Have you ever read something that killed you inside? Like a text message or someone's status. Everything was going fine until you accidentally came across something you didn't want to read or found out something you were better off not knowing. It's almost as if it was sent or posted just to purposely hurt you. But you constantly read it over and over again to torture yourself. It sucks how one little thing can ruin your whole day.

In the beggining it's always the same. He wants to get my attention, my full attention. He wants me to spend everyday with him, chatting, talking on the phone about the most random things. He says the sweetest words and i cant' help but fall for him. After he finally wins my heart, and after i'm finally his...... He slowly starts paying less attention. Other things seem more important to him than to spend the day with me. And before i know it, he will leave me slowly. He will simply move on like it's the easiest thing in the world. And i just sit there.... completely heartbroken. The saddest thing is that it just breaks my heart into pieces. But you don't want anyone to see you like this so you pretend to be strong and wear your fake smile everyday.


I'm mad at myself not you. I'm mad for always being nice, always apologizing for things i didn't do, for getting attached, depending on you, for making you my life, thinking about you, following you, changing myself for you, forgiving every single things that you've done to me eventhough it hurts me so much, wishing for you to be mine forever, dreaming of you every single night and most of all for not hating you which i know i should.... but i can't hate you.

I think what hurst the most when you give your all to someone. Through thick and thin, you're there for them. You stick with them, no matter what. Then one day they just give up. They won't even fight for you. The one thing you would never have done, they did it with no hesitation.


I can always say that i've moved on. After two years we were together. But there are times when your presence, your scent, your face, your voice haunts me and it's like i wanna do it all over again. It kinda sucks because you don't talk to me anymore, you dont even think of me anymore, we aren't texting or calling each other anymore and i just miss you so bad. I feel lost sometimes but i realized how far i come to escape from those feelings. I am stronger now to move on but not enough strength to forget.

You need to know something about me. You need to know that i'm not open to many people. I'm usually quiet and i don't really like attention. So if i like you enough to show you the real me, you must be special. Besides that, i'm a very insecure person. I have a very low self esteem. I find it hard to trust people now. I've made mistakes in the past and i've learned to live with them. I've learned to accept people for who they really are,. Sometimes, i can't be bothered anymore. Sometimes i don't even want to be alive but the thing is, i have a million reason to be alive and i just haven't found them yet. I miss the people that i shouldn't even think about anymore. I've liked, i've loved, i've been hurt for so many times. I have hurt people too. I'm not perfect. But, hey this me this who i really am. And before you walk into my life, you need to know these things. Because if you walk into my life, you can't simply walk out of my life when things are getting hard. Just like all other people did.